Grace Goes Camping

I never understood my mother. She would yell and holler and mutter something about a herd of elephants when we would go up and down the stairs. We had to take ballet to learn how to be more “graceful”. I’m pretty sure that it would have worked, if I didn’t get fat.

The Man and I went camping over the Holiday weekend. Only 2 days worth, but still, it wasn’t at a campground. It was on The Hunter’s property way out in BFE.
Imagine if you will. No electricity. So no lights. No running water. No showers, no TOILETS (yes mother, I will spare you all the details, although I was having a great time with it)! No refrigerators, no cold pop. And no stove, so of COURSE, no convenient cooking.

I’m getting senile to think that this is a good time. (It was)

The day we arrive, it’s pouring. So we jump out of the truck and head up to the gun house, or deer blind. Being the big gal that I am, and the chicken, I was surprised that I didn’t fall down the steps or trip over something and end head over tail out the window.
This deer blind/gun house is only used by old men who hunt deer in the fall. It WASN’T decorated the way that I would have done it. There wasn’t a trash can so it seems that the floor is used for such things as empty coffee/pop cups. Tissues and paper are spread all over, and the chairs are the type that no decent woman would even have on her property, let alone expect someone to sit in!
The rain lets up and The Man and The Hunter build a fire. They don’t let me do any of it, probably afraid I will cause a forest fire or something since I’m used to campground circles. You can’t build a bigger fire than the circle. Not so on someone’s private property. Holy crap!
It rains a few more times before The Man single handedly puts up the tent and our “kitchen”. I say “kitchen” loosely!
I spent the day taking pictures of the wild flowers and poison ivy! The Hunter would point out the different birds, some I’ve NEVER seen before. The Hunter gave me a kick ass pair of binoculars to watch them thru! Now I understand how people can spend hours just watching birds. I saw Orioles, Indigo Buntings, several different types of Sparrows, Hawks, of course the Turkey Vultures, and many others I am still at a loss to identify.
We didn’t stay up very late after dark. We never do at home either. Could be why The Maniac is up at 5am every morning. Helps when you are in bed at 9pm.
Anyway, in a tent, you can hear so much going on OUTSIDE of the tent. So you sit up and try to listen with your eyes. It was pretty bright out with the moon, but still too dark for a city girl.

I heard coyotes in the distance, some littler animals scurrying closer, and night birds. I thought for sure that a raccoon would smell the candy bar I forgot to eat in my bag and tear the tent apart in search of it. I know that the gun lying next to The Man was loaded, but I’m SURE that he wouldn’t be able to get a shot off before my candy disappeared into the night!

I awoke in the morning to the smell of coffee. I forgot I wasn’t lying in my comfy bed. It was percolator coffee. I haven’t had that kind in years. So I get up, stumble around to put on clothes since it was a little cold out, and made my way to the coffee. When I was able to see clearly, I looked over at the tent. No holes!

The Maniac had been up for hours, startled a raccoon out of our camp area, went looking at the deer, did his morning routine and made coffee. THEN had the nerve to talk about breakfast before I finished my first cup of coffee!!!

So for the record. I MADE breakfast. I had to. The Man eats all the bacon as it comes out of the pan, so I had to save some! I made eggs and the bacon on the Coleman stove, toast on the grill using coals from the fire! This is too much work! I am NOT a pioneer woman, nor do I have the energy to be!

And besides all that, who can be graceful with muck on their feet, dirt under their nails and smelling of Deep Woods Off? Instead I had The Man teach me to spit. So much for the ballet lessons.