Monday, October 29, 2007

I know, I know

... I have been neglectful of my blog... so here's a little tidbit for you all to chew on for today...


The Baby has been doing some sign language which is way helpful to those of us that do not know what "goink, goo" means. She's got eat down pat, drink, more, finished, bye, and blows kisses. Very cute. We are now trying to teach her cookie and nap (for the love of GAWD).


Yesterday I noticed that she was doing a fake cry only to turn and see her laying on the floor actually kicking her feet.


"MOM, turn around, don't even look at her and STOP TALKING TO HER"


Yikes ok then... The Baby has started to have temper tantrums at 16 months old! The Punk is ignoring them and her so she doesn't do it for long. I wanted to take pictures but I got yelled at. I think this is great. That old saying "What comes around, goes around" Gotta love it as a grandmother! *snicker*


The wedding "rocks" still look like candy, and I figure that if anyone attempts to eat them, then they are just plain dumbasses and if they break a tooth, I'm not paying for it. They all have ribbons on them so they can be hung, they have glitter on the Trinity knots, and they have labels on the back. Go ahead, stick it in your mouth. *sigh* Also in the picture are the little bells. CUTE but a lot of work... not as much as those "rocks"

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Nothing

I don't have anything to say... nothing funny is going on that I remember when I GET to work... my life now is revolving around Avon, Wedding rocks, a bolero everyone wonders is too small or keeping the baby out of the dog dishes and kitty litter box... hmmm... exciting... NOT

Monday, October 1, 2007

New Survivor Series

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.

There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money.

In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care (weekend, evening, on a holiday or right when they're about to leave for vacation).

He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

Each father will be required to know all of the words to every stupid song that comes on TV and the name of each and every character on cartoons.

Each man will have to make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas.

Each man must adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep their nails polished and eyebrows groomed. The men must try to get through each day without snot, spit-up or barf on their clothing.

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties. They must try to explain what a tampon is for when the 6-yr old boy finds it in the purse.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.

He will need to read a book to the children each night without falling asleep, and then feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair each morning by 7:00 . They must leave the home with no food on their face or clothes.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name. Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child's favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what theywant to be when they grow up.

They must clean up after their sick children at 2:00 a.m. and then spend the remainder of the day tending to that child and waiting on them hand and foot until they are better.

They must have a loving, age appropriate reply to, 'You're not the boss of me'.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins only if...he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice.

After you get done laughing, send this to as many females as you think will get a kick out of it and as many men as you think can handle it.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

No STRIPPER?????

Pics from the Bachlorette Party Friday night and why I was hung over while camping!

I'm TIRED DAMN IT!

Yesterday I stayed home "tired". Yes, that was my excuse and I'm sure I will continue to hear about it. I was exhausted and since I have vacation, sick and administrative time to take off, I can take it! So shut it.

However....

After calling my boss to tell her I was calling in tired, I returned to my bed to sleep. Only to be awaken at 9am by bark, bark, bark...

Seems that the neighbors have too much money and THIS year decided that in addition to having their house power washed, decks re-painted, and their garden mulched and put away for the Winter, that they also needed to have their yard re-landscaped. I could care less except that I needed to sleep and the damned dog would NOT shut up.

Finally at 11am or so I started to fall back to sleep when BARK, BARK, BARK. My Avon was there! Nice, but not nice enough for me to get up. "SHUT UP FOR THE LOVE OF GAWD!"

Back to closing my eyes when at 1pm or so the AT&T guy FINALLY decides to come again.

Then UPS drops off my wedding dress.

By this time I'm practically in tears, I'm so tired. I just want to sleep. I don't know why these delivery guys feel the need to ring the damned doorbell when they are just going to leave the shit outside anyway... to hear my dog bark? Trust me, it gets on your nerves after, oh, the 100th time!!!!

So at 2:30pm I lay down once again. The Man comes home at 3:30pm, and by this time I AM crying. He says to go back to bed and he will keep everyone (including the damned dog) quiet until The Punk drops off The Baby at 5pm.

At 6pm I hear the phone ringing. It's The Punk, she and my niece are moving a bedroom set from my nieces house to The Punk's house, could I watch the babies, do we have a truck they can use... blah blah blah...

Excuse me... WHAT THE??????

So I just say screw it and start sorting thru the Avon... eat something for dinner and resign to just staying up until 9pm when I AM going to bed....

HA!

8:45pm rolls around and I'm staring lethargically at the TV when The Punk calls. The mattress flew out of the back of the truck, so can we (The Man and I) please bring a rope and meet them in the next town over.

Oh and BTW, Shell and Big Daddy need the babies to go home 'cuz it's getting late...

So we get back to The Punk's house, unload the furniture, try to comfort the babies, and get everyone settled in. I'm reminded of a saying:

"Lack of planning on your part, does not constitute an emergency on my part."

Words to live by in a DIFFERENT family.

I went to bed at 10pm and am STILL tired this morning. Anyone know a vet that removes vocal cords in dogs???

Monday, September 10, 2007

The Clampets always camp!

Back from another camping adventure with my family. Everyone survived and we didn't have to get out the first aid kit!!!

Pictures to follow tomorrow...

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

A Campin' we will go...

I am still chuckling over the past weekend camping with my siblings. My man, bless his heart is still chuckling as well.

My sister Shell, who was so drunk and ready to "shoot out the G-d damn spot light if someone will give me a gun" because the guy behind us had his 5th Wheel camper lights on in back. Not good to shine in a drunk's eye! Not to mention her double dog dare of The Boy (and a buck thrown in to ensure he would do it) to tackle Auntie P.

My other sister Am, who had bathroom troubles all weekend. In all fairness, I have to say that those stupid auto flush toilets aren't very predictable. HOWEVER....

One morning, someone had the overgrilled hot dog shits. So into the bathroom we go (Yes, we still go as a group, shut it) A woman was in there at the mirror doing her hair. Curling it with an curling iron, spray, comb, curl...

You hear the toilet flush 18 times and Am giggling and beating up on the toilet.

The woman must have either gotten a whiff or was just disgusted at the waste of water with all the flushing, 'cuz she packed it in a hurry and ran out the door.

I'm standing there waiting to see if my sibling makes it out alive or if the toilet flushing monster got her.

She comes out with a red face, her toilet seat broke, and every time she would wipe, the flush of the toilet would just add more water to her butt that she had to wipe again. Vicious cycle.

Add to that the Boy, who I thought we were ALL going to have to duct tape to a tree, the noisy neighbors, the barking puppy mill, the car alarms that people didn't know how to turn off, and the VERY loud music in the middle of the night, and it should have been miserable camping.

It was fun, gave us something to talk about over breakfast. But I swear, If I have to hear, "What do you do with THAT... What's THAT for... Why... why... why..." one more time, I WILL scream!!!